Love’s Goddamn Flux by Dustin Pickering

“Death is as sure for that which is born, as birth is for that which is dead. Therefore grieve not for what is inevitable.”

-Bhagavad Gita

I loved you once as a fool

and twice as a god.

I loved you for my Self

I loved you for you

and the romance died on my tongue & lips.

My prayers turned to ash

while I burned softly, agnostically

on Philomela’s wings

in the dark.

You were raped by the king in his kingdom

of lies

You became as a mother to me

I ached for your wealth

                        [hold me while I weep]

Now I am merely an It

A casual experience where love once

bedded me.

This all felt like an insignificant dream.

You became quiet

and even Nature laughed at me

while I visited the city.

I prayed daily for your happiness—

even saying four full rosaries—

and when resolution finally came

we all felt like charcoal.

                        [let me sing now, please]

My tongue was a soft golden fire.

It burnt the trees to black,

and the birds had no resting place.

I could not resolve my doubts

with Love’s ultimatums

as I had before.

Where is my power? To discern?

To dream? O, but golden light

will dream and discern for me.

My tongue is my will

Be certain, my love is a truth.

Let me rapture my solemn sword

Allow me to swallow it

in impersonal engagements.

                        [if you kiss me finally,

                        I will not feel]

I am nothing now. My soul is complete.

The play is over

and the fairies have gone to bed.

Summer is reaching its climax.

You kiss me;

I weep and sing;

you reside within me as a child of hope;

the double helix entwines within

when I speak your name,

but Love,

Love has died.

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